Saturday, January 31, 2009

Update on our NON PROGRESS???

I have had so many asking me lately what is the newest with Mateo?? Well as of now, still nothing has changed. I was told by both my attorney and Dinora from the orphanage that Minors Court still hasnt had time to do a revision and printing of my final resolution. We need this in order to move forward into The Central Authority. They said they just started working on resolutions this month ( Jan). Apparently because of the month long holiday they all took from mid Dec through mid Jan, that affected the process.. As of now I have no idea when we will get it. Dinora mentioned possibly in two weeks, I dont know if that is what they told her, or what she assumes? Dinora has been very helpful with following up on our case, which I didnt realize she was going weekly getting updates, ect. So that is good. She also has a webcam and we have been able to talk with Mateo on ours to him a few times. He is so sweet, he has said ma-ma, and Hola! He has also laughed outloud! His 2nd birthday is March 3rd, and I am planning a trip on the 1st of March by myself for his birthday. We just got back from Hawaii about a week and 1/2 ago, so I dont think DOug will be able to go with me. The girls are doing basketball tournaments on the weekends now, and with having to care for the cattle every night, it just wouldnt be feasible for him to come with me. He doesnt like that I am talking about going without him, but anyone that knows me , knows I am stubborn when it comes to doing what I want when it is regarding my son. My 32nd birthday is this next month and all I want for my birthday is to see my son, and to have some progress. This last week or so has been very difficult for me. My best friend and Mateo's godmother was diagnosed with cancer. She will be okay, starts her treatments this week. It just puts into prespective how precious every moment is and how important it is to not take anything or anyone for granted. Mateo is in my thoughts all day. I see little babies I think of him. I see a toddler, I think of him. I see a cute little boy, or cute little outfit or toy, I choke back tears. I have had to walk away a few times from people that had a little baby in their arms, because I am having a harder time fighting back the emotions. The longer it takes the more I realize just how much of his life I have already missed. I see my best friends little guy and all the cute things he says and does, and realize that Mateo is doing all of those things too, only I am not there to see them. I am soooo blessed to have two beautiful daughters here at home that I can love and hug on all day. How can I be so blessed, and grateful , but them so sad and frustrated at the same time? Sometimes I wonder if this is my fault because we made the decision for DOug to have a vastecomy years ago, and its my punishment. That maybe this is just something that I will always have to hope an yearn for. THen I struggle with being mad at myself, because I believe that God provides. I know that I have to put it in GOds hands. ALthough, it is hard because nothing has happend for so long. I feel like we have been taking one baby step foward, and then 10 leaps back. I feel selfish because I want and need him here. I feel like until that happens, there will always be a big hole in my heart that no one else will be able to fill.
People as me why dont I just try to adopt another child? They dont realize that he is my son. I am his mom. I love HIM. He is suppose to be here with us. He is suppose to be able to enjoy his own room with his little crib and baby bedding, and all of his own toys waiting for him. I realize that this could quite possibly be the 3rd summer that I miss with him, and that only leaves another 15 more summers.
I know I am rambling, you can imagine poor Doug having to try to keep me in good spirits. If it wasnt for my faith, my family, my friends, and my business..I would probably be a crying mess everyday.
God, please wrap your arms around little Mateo. Keep him safe. Let him know just how much he is loved & protected. God please keep him in the thoughts & heart of those that are making the decisions & have the ability to move our case forward, and bring him home to his family soon. Give DOug & I the strength to continue to grow our faith in you, and to be the best parents that we can be for Rylie & Adyson. Give DOug & I the courage to do whatever we need to do to bring our son home. Amen.